I took a break that I deserved more than anything.
I took a break because I’m not sure how I would be mentally if I didn’t. I realize that I needed a break more than anything else at this moment. I remember talking to a friend, and she said listen to Sarah Jakes’s message called “The Place of Need.” So I pulled it up, and I said, “friend, this is fifty minutes long.” She said, so listen. So I did, one of the best decisions I made that day.
I randomly take breaks because I need a break from everything and everyone around me. My breaks are usually quick and abrupt. In addition to this, I limit the communication to my circle and sometimes even my family. It doesn’t sound like the best way to handle that, huh? Yea, I know, but my anxiety and depression don’t always agree. But It was so many variables attacking my mental I just had to. I needed this.
I needed this for myself.
I needed this to redefine and recreate me.
I needed this because I was lost.
Lost in my career
I lost in my relationship and lost my creative space.
I couldn’t create, I couldn’t love it, I couldn’t decide my next move, and I needed this bad!
There are times where if not addressed or fixed, it could do damage.
I couldn’t risk that. I had made it through far worse situations; this wasn’t going to break me (even though I felt it would).
I needed to take a step back, re-evaluate, and ask myself, “What’s important to Monique”? What decisions can Monique live with and without?” and most importantly, “Is Monique valued in this friendship/relationship?”
At some point, you may never know how important those questions are to you until they are hitting you in the face like a ton of bricks. Until you wake up and it hits you, you realize that the energy and love you put out isn’t being reciprocated.
So now was a good time to attack the areas in my life that I was not happy with. I did it. I stepped back. I asked the hard questions, I revaluated relationships, and upon my return, I moved very differently.
I am no longer chasing dreams that fund someone else’s plan or company. I changed my mindset, and I’m ready to become an entrepreneur. I am no longer giving disclaimers or explanations when I say no. If I don’t want to do it, if I don’t want to attend, that’s just that. I’m not, and I will not feel bad about it. I am demanding the most out of my most fragile yet essential relationships. Demanding what I deserve because I know my worth, and bitch I added tax!
I questioned myself about all the things that bothered or worried me. I took accountability for my role in it all, and I secured a plan that would guide me, help me, and hold me accountable towards completing my goals and keeping my mind in check.
Dear God, thank you because I truly needed this.