Today I had a very interesting conversation with my BFF. We were talking about an issue she was having with a guy, and she wanted to express to him why she was in her feelings. So she shot me a text and asked me what I thought, and I replied, “Like you’re beating around the bush.” She asked what I meant, and I told her, “tell him what you saw and heard and how it made you feel.” As I waited for a reply from her, this thought popped into my head, “Why do we (women) dummy down or sugar coat our feelings to guys we aren’t in a committed relationship with?” Why don’t we say what’s bothering us instead of the watered down version? Why are we afraid?
Now don’t get me wrong I am just as guilty. I have found myself putting my feelings on the back burner and not even mentioning what’s bothering me just to appease my mate’s feelings or reaction to what I’m saying. Hell, I have even sat in the car and listened to him talk to a girl, and for the sake of arguing, I didn’t even mention it. But isn’t our voice enough to be heard? Shouldn’t we express the things that hurt and bother us without tap dancing around the issue? Damn right we should.
Women fall silent when they are afraid. But what is it that we fear? Maybe rejection, an argument, making him angry, or perhaps the biggest fear him leaving. Yea I don’t know about you, but I’ve felt that before. I’ve thought if I just say it like this then he won’t read that much into, or to act as if I didn’t notice then that’s a battle I don’t have to fight. So we are silent, mute. Sweeping the real issues under the rug until the big fight comes. Then at that point, everything gets pushed on the table. Not anymore!
This type of behavior can’t continue. I encourage women, even myself to voice those thoughts that drive you crazy, speak up about the times your feelings were hurt, let your discomfort in his actions be known. Don’t be afraid of what may happen. Because if that thing that you are so scared of happens then to hell with it. He wasn’t the one anyway. I’ve learned that men blow up out of guilt and deep inside we know he’s guilty, and we don’t want to hear the truth even tho we have probably already seen it.
Women, your voice means more so don’t let the wrong man silence you, put that fear in you or even make you feel like your feelings don’t matter. We have way too much power to allow these type of things to happen. We have to set the standard, speak up, and don’t be afraid to let them walk away. Show our daughters how to have healthy nondependent relationships and to teach our sons how to communicate with women minus the anger.
Despite our fears, our voice means so much MORE!