At 34, I can honestly say that I’m not fearful or afraid of a lot of things. Now, of course, I don’t like scary movies, I’m not a fan of bugs and reptiles, and large bodies of water make me nervous, but in the last two years, my fears have shifted. Which is weird because you never think as an adult you will gain new fears which turn out to be very disturbing. Now this doesn’t have anything to do with being single forever which makes my palms sweat a little. It has nothing to do with heights or even the unknown.

As some may know, I am a big sister one of the many things that make me proud. I have three handsome brothers and one beautiful sister. My brothers are 24, 20 or 21 (I can’t ever remember), and 14. They all make me very proud, and I love them dearly. We may not be close, but they definitely can call me when they need me they most, because hey that’s what big sisters do. But in the last 2-4 years, we have lost numerous black men and women to police brutality, and the numbers are growing rapidly. No matter what we do, put our hands, tell them we have no weapons, or even walk towards them with nothing but fear in our eyes it seems the intimidation of just being black is enough to land you in a body bag.

So yes, my concerns at 34 in 2016 have shifted. Because now my biggest fear is losing my siblings to the hands of those who are supposed to protect and serve. To be honest, this has made things quite terrifying in my life lately. In the last month, two men have been murdered by the hands of the law. Now don’t get me wrong every cop or officer isn’t trying to take us out one by one, but some of these cowards behind the badge don’t even know how to detain a suspect (especially a black man) correctly. It’s funny because the naive side of me thinks that having a black president would bring some massive changes but even he can’t fix everything.

When will things change? When will tougher laws be put in place for those who don’t adequately protect or serve their communities? It feels like target practice out here, and I just don’t want to lose my baby brothers or sister to some coward who doesn’t know how to use his mind and not his gun to detain them or even just write them a ticket. Because even tho change starts with us, it seems like even when we peacefully protest it all falls on death ears. When we #shopblack, that doesn’t do a damn thing either. We need to start from the inside and work our way out. Everyone can’t protect and serve and for those that want to we need to make sure they are fit to do so and train them efficient and effectively. Because I’m tired of seeing mothers bury their son’s, children losing their father’s and girlfriends and wives losing the head of their households being left to grieve and still lead. This just can’t be it.
Enough has to be enough because I never want my biggest fear to be my reality.