Dating in 2016 is tough and the manual for it, yea well it never made it to this point. So what about when you’re trying to date oh and I forgot to mention you’re a mommy/daddy lol. Yea it’s one of those things that you can never adequately prepare for but, what are some ground rules you should you set when attempting to date with children? I’m going to give you some insight how I handle things as a single mom and what I have found to be useful over the last 13 years.
Now don’t get me wrong I’m not an expert but, I can say that the way things have gone so far I am very proud of myself. I am a parent of a very impressionable young lady, and I have tried my best not to expose her to every demon out there, but you can’t protect them from everything. However, I attempt to show her how a man/woman should treat her.
A few rules I live by when dating are as follows:
- Don’t allow anyone to meet my daughter within the first 3-6 months
- Don’t have company after 11:30p (If she is home)
- Don’t entertain company in the bedroom (if she is home)
- Don’t allow her to see me with multiple men/women
- Don’t talk about my personal life in her presence
You may look at this list and say, “Oh that’s nothing” but these five things can have the biggest impact on your child’s life. Let’s take a look at each one and break it down.
Meeting the kid
When you are dating, in the early phases you and that person probably haven’t made it to being monogamous, it’s still fresh. You can’t be sure what their intentions are, and honestly, you don’t know them. So prematurely introducing them to your kids isn’t the best idea. What if you don’t make it? What if you never see that person again? In the dating phase children meeting other people that aren’t their parents just isn’t the best idea. Children develop relationships with other people very fast, and you don’t want to bring someone around who doesn’t have any intentions of being around long term. PERIOD.
No Company after 11:30p/Entertaining in the bedroom
When it comes to men or women visiting each other at their homes that they share with their child, both parties should be respectful of the other person’s kids. In my opinion, I feel this is important because of perception. It also plays a huge role in the dating game depending on the age of the child(ren). For me, I never want my daughter to think that it is ok for a man/woman to come over to our home at all hours of the night. Also, children (mainly pre-teens & teens) come up with their own assumptions when you have company over really late, especially if you are entertaining them in your bedroom. Entertaining in your bedroom not only sends mixed signals to your date but also to your children. If it’s late, you know like I know the bed is going to be the primary place where you’re going to sit or chill. Big no no! That can lead to something else and next thing you know your door is closed, and you’re probably putting yourself in a compromising situation. So if they can’t make it over before 11 pm, then it’s best he stay home. (These rules may not apply if the kids aren’t home lol!)
Not allowing her to see me with multiple Men/Women
Keep in mind dating is dating. That means going on various dates and getting to know different men/women. There is absolutely no harm in that, contrary to popular belief. I mean how else are you going to get to know someone if you don’t date them?? With that said, this doesn’t mean that you’re having sex with each of them. Because of course, people always like to assume that since your dating or seeing someone you’re sexing them yea……no. So to make sure this rule is played out try meeting your date at the restaurant or even coming outside when they arrive. Therefore if you have kids at home, you don’t have to worry about him/her knocking or ringing your bell. It’s even an ok idea to go over to their house and meet up; then you can go along with the evening as planned. But the key is making sure that they don’t see you with a different man/woman every day of the week.
Last but not least…
NOT talking about my personal life in her presence
This one is a biggie for me because I have a pre-teen. Believe it or not, our children listen to everything we say. They look up to us, and we are their role models, so we must allow them to see us as just that by keeping our ratchet, personal, and sometimes steamy conversations in private. When I was younger, my mother would make us go to our room. Not only that but she would go to her bedroom and close her door. As a mother I find myself having those convos before I pick her up, or I sit in the car alone. There have even been times when I have left the house because yet again they can hear us and they are always listening. So keep your adult business private.
Now all these may not work for you. We are all different, and we think and date different but if you have children, and you haven’t tried any of these tips give them a try and see if you notice any difference in your kids or how you handle your personal life. Trust me it matters!
Happy Dating Everyone
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