In light of Ciara’s recent engagement to Russell Wilson and Future’s reaction to their engagement it raised a few questions. Why do most men feel that the new man in their child’s life needs to take a back seat on the parenting of the child? Especially when he is actually going to be the more permanent father figure of the two men. So I sat down and actually started brainstorming. Many may not know but my stepfather raised me and I can truly say he has been the best father I could ever ask for. Let’s not confuse the issue I knew my father and we had a relationship, it wasn’t the best but it was present. But my stepfather went above and beyond his duties and he raised me as if I was his own. As a single parent I praise that kind of behavior. It takes a stand up MAN to raise, love and guide a child that isn’t his own. But why is it that men can’t just appreciate the other man that steps into his child’s life.
I think the parental breakdown of parenting isn’t fully understood by men who spend only half of the time needed in the home with the children. Most men think that financial support and weekend visits covers it. I’m sorry to inform you but it doesn’t. Children are an all-day 24 hour project. So in your absence if they need to be disciplined, become ill or just require that one on one attention if you’re not there then who do you think is providing that aside from the mother? If this new man is being an amazing father figure may I please ask what the problem is again? I think the bigger issue is a man’s ego and pride. When those two key factors come into play it makes it difficult to think about the bigger picture….the child (ren). I personally think that if a woman chooses to be with a man and she has taken the time to get to know him fully then she is somewhat aware of the man that she is bringing around her child (ren). But I also feel if she and the child’s father are co-parenting at a mature level then the men should also sit down and discuss expectations or how they would like to co-parent as fathers. This may sound farfetched to some but I’m sure with positive intentions this could actually work.
At some point men you must really ask yourselves, “If I wanted to be the only man in my child’s life why didn’t I do all I could to make it work with my child’s mother?” When you find yourself unable to answer that then move on but make sure your next initial thought is “What can I do as a father to make sure that we are providing the best parental care and attention for our child?” Because whether you like it or not your child now has two dads and stepdads aren’t just stepdads, they are wonderful amazing men that really step up and parent to their greatest abilities.
March 18, 2016 at 9:23 pm
I love this. I can relate from all sides as a divorced mother of two whose ex is now seriously involved with another woman and I involved with another man who also has kids. Blended families are possible, I’m a living witness and while it may seem unorthodox to some, i consider my stepdaughter’s mom a great friend. Why? Because we both want whats best for the kids and without a doubt she knows that i treat her child just luke she is my own. She can rest knowing that i have her daughters best interest and it just makes it so much easier for the parents and the children when the adults can set their pride aside . who can say that something is wrong with a child having a double dose of love from 2 sets of parents. We all acknowledge that while it did not work out btwn the biological parents, at the end of the day, the children need and deserve a healthy experience. Its all about them!
March 18, 2016 at 9:34 pm
Thanks so much for your input and feedback Stacy!!!!